When learning that our family would be moving to Texas, friends immediately started sending their condolences as well as helpful videos on how to navigate our new life--videos such as Toddlers in Tiaras and Friday Night Lights.

I'm skeptical by nature and understand that TV--even 'reality' TV, maybe especially 'reality' TV--is fiction, but I've been surprised by the number of practices that I assumed to be make-believe that have proven to be actual things that happen in Texas:

• Dance moms - totally a thing.  I'll never forget standing outside my daughter's 2nd grade dance class and hearing a mom scream at her daughter, "I don't care that you don't like it!  If you are going to have a chance of being on the Cheer Squad in high school, you need to take dance and gymnastics until 8th grade!"

• The team pride placards placed outside the home of the quarterback and other members of the football team?  I pass them in every neighborhood around here.

• Powderpuff Football--where the football players dress as cheerleaders and the cheerleaders play football--yup, it's an annual event at our local high schools.

You'd think I'd be used to being surprised by now.  But I suppose that's the thing about being surprised, you never see it coming.  My latest surprise was learning that Cotillion is still a thing.  What is Cotillion?  Well, according to Merriam Webster:

cotillion

noun co·til·lion \kō-ˈtil-yən, kə-\

 

1. a ballroom dance for couples that resembles the quadrille

2. an elaborate dance with frequent changing of partners carried out under the leadership of one couple at formal balls

3. a formal ball

Sheldon Cooper, of The Big Bang Theory, explains it a little differently:

CLICK HERE

Until recently, I thought that Cotillion was . . . Honestly, I hadn't thought about Cotillion at all!  That is, until, I saw a notice on our neighborhood online discussion board advertising sign-up for Junior Cotillion in the Fall.  Soon, neighborhood parents were posting with comments like:

• "It's always a popular, super fun activity."

• "I've had two children go through this program.  It's a great experience."

• "SPREAD the word to the BOYS- it seems they always have plenty of girls but need boys as they partner kids up to dance."

That night, I went to dinner with friends and asked what they thought of it.  They both had already signed up their kids.  The thought of signing up my daughter had never crossed my mind.  Maybe I was stuck thinking about what torture a manners and dancing class would have been for my socially awkward child self.

Do I want my kids to have manners?  Yes!  I'm always telling my kids to get their elbows off the table, eat with their mouths closed, cut their food into smaller pieces, etc..  It's an uphill struggle, but I struggle because I think its worth it.  Do I want them to be polite?  Yes!  We practice our pleases and thank yous and I try to model the courtesy that I want them to learn.  Do I want them to know how to dance?  Sure.  I'm just not sure that that goal is as realistic.  Do they need to know how to Fox Trot?  Not really, but learning new skills is always useful.  Is it harmful?  Not unless the social costs of being unsuccessful would outweigh any benefit.

I wondered why I was so hostile to the mere suggestion of sending my girls to Cotillion.  Maybe it's the gloves, the white dresses, the reinforcement of what I think are archaic gender roles.  Would I feel differently if I had sons?  Would I be more open to dressing up my little gentleman and having someone else reinforce the lessons I teach at home? (All except the dancing that is.  I have no idea how to Fox Trot and the closest I've come to waltzing was in a production of Pygmalion.)

When I talked to my husband about it, he had no interest, but he didn't have the anxiety either.

"If anyone asks you why you didn't sign the girls up,"  he said, "tell them we teach them manners by watching Downton Abbey."